i need to make a list about my feelings

• the first time i experienced love was a nightmare
• i still think about you in the morning and when i get home from school
• i hate that i was such a fool for you 
• i hate myself for letting you get away with so fucking much. 
• i hate the fact that i let you get away with so much just so that i could make myself think you were still a decent guy and that this was okay 
• i hate that even after i found out about everything, i still fucking loved you 
• i’m still recovering from all that and it fucking SUCKS
• i hate that i stuck with you through everything but you were always too busy when i needed to fucking rant to you 
• i hate that i cried myself to sleep because of you every night 
• i hate that i’ve let you turn me into this piece of shit i am now
• i bet you can’t remember all the bullshit you put me through but i can’t forget it and it haunts me 

i just want to talk to you and ask you why you did all that shit to me and how it doesn’t bother you one fucking bit but i don’t want to let you know that you’ve still been on my mind after all this fucking time